Love Me Whole by Nicky James

Title: Love Me Whole Word Count:339 pgs
Genre: Contemporary Gay Romance

Blurb:Twenty-eight-year-old Oryn Patterson isn’t like other people. Being an extremely shy, social introvert is only part of the problem. Oryn has dissociative identity disorder. He may look like a normal man on the outside, but spend five minutes with him, and his daily struggles begin to show.

Oryn shares his life and headspace with five distinctively different alters. Reed, a protective, very straight jock. Cohen, a flamboyantly gay nineteen-year-old who is a social butterfly. Cove, a self-destructive terror, whose past haunts him. Theo, an asexual man of little emotion, whose focus is on maintaining order. And Rain, a five-year-old child whose only concern is Batman.

Vaughn Sinclair is stuck in a rut. When his job doesn’t offer the same thrill it once did, he decides it’s time to mix-up his stagnant, boring routine. Little does he know, the man he meets during an impromptu decision to return to college is anything but ordinary.

Vaughn’s heart defies logic, and he finds himself falling in love with this strange new man. But how can you love someone who isn’t always themself? It may not be easy, but Vaughn is determined to try.

My Review: Love me whole, the title on this one is oh so profound. Oftentimes we’ve heard the phrase ‘if you love me , you have to love all of me’. Well, it is certainly true in this case. Oryn Patterson is a young man who is diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. For me, usually when I hear multiple personality I think of someone who hears voices or I associate it with movies that I’ve watched where they have a serial killer lurking in their bodies, all stereotypical stuff. To get a glimpse into Oryn’s life is very thought provoking,intriguing and very informative.

When Vaughn Sinclair decides to go back to college on a whim, he knows he is way more mature than the twenty something crowd. When he meets shy Oryn in one of his classes he quickly befriends him. Oryn seems to be the odd man out and Vaughn thinks he needs a friend. It doesn’t hurt that Oryn is super cute. Oryn is quick to stutter through an explanation of why they shouldn’t be friends, but Vaughn is determined. Vaughn noticed a few oddities in Oryn’s behaviour but it isn’t until they partner up on a project that Oryn confesses his condition to Vaughn.

Vaughn is not deterred and he goes about researching DID and what it means for Oryn. He learns that Dissociative Identity Disorder manifests as a self protective mechanism that the mind uses to shield a person who has endured long term extreme sexual, physical or psychological abuse.Vaughn learns about alters and how they should be treated as separate beings. Oryn has explained that his body ‘houses’ 5 alters :Reed is ultra-protective and he doesn’t like when Vaughn gets too close; Cohen is Oryn’s opposite, very self assured, flamboyant and flirty; then there is Rain, a five year old boy who loves Batman and dinosauars with the innocence only a child could possess. There is also Theo and Cove, two others who Vaughn has not met at this point.

Vaughn tries really hard to understand, because he really likes Oryn. They become closer over time, but Oryn explains that it will probably be hard for him to be in a relationship, but he doesn’t totally rule it out. It is clear to see that Oryn clings to hope that with the help of his therapist, he will one day be able to have a ‘normal’ life where all his alters can be a functioning cohesive unit. As it stands, there are some alters who fight Oryn for dominance over his dominion which is his body and mind. Vaughn is understandably uncomfortable when other alters are triggered. It is usually within a split second where Oryn will switch to Reed without warning. This is the worst for Vaughn as Reed is openly hostile and such a vastly different persona than quiet, shy Oryn. Oryn’s voice changes from soft spoken to Reed’s raspier tones and his stance is aggressive and intimidating. On the other hand, Cohen comes out to play when there is any social functions, he is quite the social butterfly. As time goes on and Vaughn is exposed to Cohen’s 19 yr old persona, he is definitely attracted to his overt sexuality , but he becomes conflicted and feels guilty at their flirtations. Cohen tries to push their relationship over into the sexual realm, something that it seems Oryn cannot be a part of. Vaughn is torn in two, because he wishes that his interactions with Cohen could be what he had with Oryn. Now that he sees them as separate entities, he feels like he is cheating even though the ‘relationship’ he has with Oryn has not been defined.

Oryn is not totally in the dark about what goes on with his alters. Cohen shares what happens through journal entries. When Oryn sees how conflicted and guilt ridden Vaughn is about a kiss, he knows he’s a keeper. Oryn becomes emboldened and offers to be Vaughn’s boyfriend explaining that there will be a lot to work through. He also let’s Vaughn know that it would be good to form a bond with Cohen without fear of reprisal or jealousy.Oryn explains that they are separate, but all personas are truly a part of a whole which is him. Vaughn has a mini breakthrough with Reed when they end up in another confrontation. The fact that he finally stood up to Reed and didn’t let him walk away, opened up a path for them. Vaughn is being enlightened about them being a whole. The ice is broken when Vaughn decides to get to know Reed better by going out to a bar together and watching a game. Vaughn gains insight when Reed shares the intricacies of the workings of their ‘inner world’. Reed explains the familial ties and relationship between some of the alters. This brings out complexities that Vaughn definitely didn’t forsee and puts another confusing spin on things.

When Vaughn makes an impromptu visit to Oryn on a therapy day, he comes face to face with a very unkempt, wild eyed man. Right away he knows he is meeting Cove for the first time. This is the alter who Oryn is afraid of the most, Cove is self destructive and self-harms as a way of protecting them from the pain. Cove is the one that is tormented by all the memories of the past abuse. It is hard for Vaughn to reconcile this dark being with sweet shy Oryn. Luckily he is able to talk Cove out of hurting Oryn. Vaughn makes a vow to protect all the alters even Cove from themselves. It is shortly thereafter that Vaughn is introduced to the final alter Theo. Theo is organized, confident and very articulate. He comes out on the day of their class presentation. Vaughn is very impressed with how Theo handles himself.Oryn explains that he is the alter with whom he maintains the most consciousness. It becomes clear that Theo is the efficient, productive backbone of their system.

Vaughn takes Oryn downtown Toronto for an overnight stay for his birthday. When they are faced with sleeping arrangements, it comes as no surprise that Cohen takes the helm. Vaughn takes the plunge and their sexual relationship evolves. The ever present guilt has finally disappeared now that he understands that they all have a purpose in the system. Rain comes out to play when they go to the ROM, when he sees all the dinosaurs. Vaughn is nervous at first, but it is quite refreshing seeing the 5 yr old Rain in all his glory. Oryn only comes back to consciousness on their way home. He is embarrassed at having his alters take over, but he really sees Vaughn in a different light. For the first time, he acknowledges how truly patient, loving and caring Vaughn is. This day really solidified their relationship. It continues on an even keel and it is clear that Oryn feels extremely safe with Vaughn, their relationship almost mirrors a normal one where Vaughn gets to hold and kiss his boyfriend without him retreating.

Oryn tries to push his limits and explore more in the sexual realm with Vaughn. Unfortunately, this proves to be too much and it brings forth a highly unstable Cove. Immediately Cove tries to self harm. Vaughn spends the whole night just holding him and restraining him in his harms. He gains insight to the burden and pain that Cove carries around. Vaughn becomes a bit overwhelmed and for the first time he feels the pressures of being in love with someone with DID, he cracks emotionally. He realizes that he needs a support system as well to cope. This is just the tip of the iceberg, he is shutout for a whole week and Theo explains that Oryn is taking a hiatus. Things come to a head as Cove fights for dominance in the system and Oryn ends up under suicide watch in a psychiatric ward.

When Vaughn takes him home, he tries to explain to Oryn what he has learned about Cove, hoping this will open up the lines of communication between the two personas. After their talk Oryn makes a concerted effort to communicate more with Cove. He also decides to be co-concious with some of his other alters. This is where he allows them in the driver’s seat per se while he remains a willing passenger observing his everyday life.

Their next foray into intimacy brings forth ecstasy. It is obvious how much Oryn trusts Vaughn to finally take care of his needs. He is confident that Vaughn will always put them first. Oryn gets better day by day and even though it will always be a struggle, he now has consciousness more often when his alters presents. They move in together and it isn’t long before Vaughn proposes. He wants it all, the good the bad and the ugly. Oryn is perfectly flawed and Vaughn wouldn’t trade him and all his alters for anything. I give this my ratings of 4- this was like nothing I’ve ever read. It was an incredible novel, presented with so much information on Dissociative Identity Disorder and Vaughn’s love for Oryn is precious and priceless throughout.


No Shame( No Shame 4) by Nora Phoenix

Title:No Shame Word Count: 333pgs
Genre: Contemporary Gay Romance

Blurb:(This is NOT a stand alone novel. See end of this description for details) Brad feels nothing but shame about himself. Shame about his sexual needs, about his reputation, about his medical problem no one knows about. No one, except his best friend Charlie, but no matter what feelings Brad may have for him, he’s not going there. Charlie deserves so much better, and Brad desperately needs something not even Charlie can provide.

Charlie has loved Brad forever, but he’s never acted on his feelings, unsure of where he stood. Plus, there was the complication of his boyfriend. But when his boyfriend’s abuse gets too much for Charlie, it’s Brad who helps him escape and recover.

Miles ends up severely wounded in the line of duty as an FBI agent. He’s floored when the man he was protecting, Indy, opens his home to him so he can recover. Indy also sets him up with Brad, who turns out to be a perfect solution for Miles’ sexual issues…until Miles wants more than sex from him, and a developing friendship between Miles and Charlie complicates things even more.

Bit by bit Charlie and Miles break through Brad’s defenses, until they come crumbling down. Miles will have to prove he can provide what Brad needs, and Charlie’s sweet love will be put to the test. But when Brad finally finds the courage to break free of his shame, will the fragile love that has blossomed between the three of them survive?

No Shame is a steamy M/M/M romance that ends with a happy ever after for all characters, including those from the previous books in the series. It’s the fourth book in the No Shame Series, and is NOT a stand alone novel, so make sure to read the first three books first (No Filter, No Limits, and No Fear). It contains hot sex, a ménage, a little daddy kink, more hot sex, and a poly-amorous relationship that transcends labels. Also: trigger warning for mentions of domestic abuse, sexual abuse, and rape.

My Review: Three different men, with three vastly different personalities. They all come with baggage, but they mesh seemlessly. We’ve been introduced to all three before, we have Miles the FBI agent who was a part of Indy’s protective detail. Indy saved his life when he got shot, he also offered him a place to recover since he has no family. We have Brad, Blake’s younger brother, a mild mannered math teacher who comes off a little bit abrasive in social situations. The only person who brings out Brad’s gentler side is Charlie, his best friend. Charlie is also recovering after his cop boyfriend Zack beat the living daylights out of him. Indy, Josh, Connor and Noah has opened up a section of their ranch style home to these three.

Miles has a tiny little problem, he has an overly hyper sex drive which leaves him tenting his trousers throughout most of the day. So far he hasn’t met anyone who can handle him. That is, until he meets Brad; Brad has a nasty reputation around town of being a ‘cum slut’ , he craves being used. Indy requests Brad’s help with Mile’s little problem which can become quite painful if tensions aren’t released. Brad is only too happy to help. Miles is still in the hospital the first time he experiences Brad’s oral prowess. He is very impressed and looks forward to Brad’s visits. Miles is curious to know more about his mystery man when he finds out they are cohabiting the same house . When he tries to spark up a conversation with Brad, he is immediately shot down. Brad lays down the law, letting Miles know it is just sex, nothing more. Miles is very disappointed as he feels a connection with Brad.

Miles come to realize that there are underlying problems that causes Brad to be so prickly. It is his slow friendship with Charlie that allows him to see things more clearly. Right away , he recognizes how in love Charlie and Brad are , but they can’t see it for themselves. Even though they have been friends for awhile, Brad dares not cross the line of friendship. He fears he is not good enough to be with Charlie. Brad has issues with psychological erectile dysfunction after a former bout of testicular cancer. This holds him back and he is very insecure about being worthy. Brad also suffers from abandonment issues when it comes to having a family. He believes that everyone he loves will leave him or trade him in.

It is a long road for Brad and the struggle is real as he continues to fight his identity. It is Miles who pinpoints what he really needs. He implements a Daddy/boy dynamic when he factors in all the issues Brad’s endured in the past. Miles is spot on and ‘Daddy’ lures his ‘boy’ in. Brad feels a sense of peace the first time he gives up control to his ‘Daddy’. There are two aspects to their kink however, Charlie realizes that Brad also craves being his little slut. It is Charlie who pulls this element of kink out of Brad through his dirty talk and bossiness. Brad lives to service his men and this is where he thrives. The status quo is definitely thrown out with these three. The strong macho Marine Miles loves to bottom for the ‘twinky cross-dressing’ Charlie who is more a defined top. Then we have Brad who has always been in control and takes care of everyone, he yearns and relishes being a ‘boy’ to his daddy.It is amazing watching the dynamics between these three unfold. Although, Charlie and Miles develop more slowly, it is no less intense.

When Connor gets some devastating news, it is wonderful to see how this makeshift family rallied around taking care of each other. Noah goes with Connor to be his strength. It was gut wrenching watching this strong man crumbling, but Noah was there to pick up the pieces. Miles was left as the ‘Dom’ in charge and between him and Indy, they were able to get Josh into ‘subspace’. The house and family have definitely expanded as Indy, Josh, Noah and Connor has offered this new trio a place in their lives , hearts and family. This kinky lot have all been blessed with the greatest treasure of all, LOVE. A wonderful end to a series that embraces all types of kink. It closes out with Indy and Josh proposing to Noah and Connor respectively. I give this my ratings of 4- lose the underwear.

Sin & Saint ( Executioners 4) by J.M.Dabney

Title: Sin & Saint                           Word Count: 176 pgs

Genre: Contemporary Gay Romance

Blurb: Eric and Ellison Gant, better known as Sin and Saint, were opposite sides of the same coin. They epitomized the nicknames given to them by their friends in the band Executioners. One thing Sin and Saint did well was fight, and being inseparable meant they had a lot of disagreements, but one thing they agreed on was that Sheriff Camden Pelter was theirs. The older, stoic man didn’t agree, yet they were determined to change his mind.

Camden Pelter had the daunting job of turning the Powers Sheriff Department around. The residents of the Georgia town didn’t have much faith or respect in the deputies serving them. That’s where he came in, and he was determined to do his job. That was easier said than done with two annoying brothers, Sin and Saint, who dogged his every step. No way in hell was he getting mixed up in the chaos that was the Gant Twins. Now if only he could get them to listen and realize they didn’t have a chance of changing his mind.

My Review: From the very first moment that Sheriff Camden Pelter laid eyes on the twin temptations of the Executioners band he has been leery. Cam has been running away from Eric commonly known as Sin and Ellison otherwise know as Saint for three long years. The twins bring out Cam’s protective instincts, but what he is even more scared of is his dominance that rears its head every time Sin & Saint are around. Cam also can’t get over the fact that they are way too young for him. Sin & Saint are more than 20 years his junior.

Sin is definitely the more outgoing flirty one of the two. It is Saint’s shy vulnerability that draws Cam in. It is a known fact that you can’t have one without the other. Cam knows how threesomes work, he has seen perfect examples of Scary’s relationship with Tank and Elijah. Scary is Cam’s cousin and he has never seen him happier than when he’s with his husbands.

It is certainly not surprising when Cam ends up in Scary’s office looking for advice on how to deal with his beautiful twin twinks. It doesn’t take long for the Twirled, Brawlers and Trenton Crews to place bets on what’s going down. Linus barges in and give Cam some advice as well. It all comes down to honesty, honesty is the key to making any relationship work. Cam listens intently to Scary and Linus, because both have not just one but two husbands. Linus is very happy in his triad relationship with his partners Wren and Hunter. It was great catching a glimpse of my favorite triads of all time.

Cam invites the twins over for dinner. They are both ecstatic, but Sin loves watching his shy twin with their man. Cam notices for the first time how Sin uses his brazen personality as a shield to protect both Saint and himself. Cam finds every opportunity to give them each one on one time. Their time together is very erotic and Cam ensures that all their kinks are taken care of. It comes natural for both his boys to call him ‘daddy’. Cam gets a thrill hearing his boys calling out his name. They all take care of each other and it’s clear that Cam is proud to call them his own. Soon , they are talking marriage and kids after meeting the twins’ mom . Cam proposes to his boys after professing his love. The boys are excited to getting started on moving their stuff to Cam’s home. All their plans are put on hold when the Trenton crew let’s them know that Cam is in danger.

It’s all hands on deck for this daring rescue mission. Saint pilots the chopper while Sin rappels out with a few of the Trenton crew to save their man. Cam is hurt but he will live. He wakes up fuming, hearing that his boys have put themselves in danger for him. When he thinks about all the possibilities he goes a bit crazy and shuts them out. It takes two weeks for him to come to his senses. All the crews are mad at him, It is Bull the patriarch of the Brawlers who talks to him, showing him the error of his ways and letting him see how short life is.

There is no hesitation as Sin & Saint welcomes Cam with open arms. They forgive their man effortlessly as soon as he promises to take them home. Their Christmas wedding goes off without a hitch with all the crews in attendance. Nine months after, Lou , the only surrogate for the crews gives them another beautiful addition baby Elisabeth. A truly enjoyable end to the Executioners series, I give this my ratings of 4-lose the underwear.

No Limits ( No Shame 2) by Nora Phoenix

Title: No Limits                         Word Count: 309 pgs

Genre: Contemporary Gay Romance

Blurb: This is NOT a stand alone novel. See end of this description for details) Josh is convinced he’ll never find someone who’ll love him the way he is. He’s not exactly a catch with his PTSD, which has transformed him into a homebody most of the times. Sweet, maybe, but also boring as hell. Plus, there’s that submissive tendency he recently discovered and is dying to explore. His complicated relationship with Noah and Indy doesn’t make it easy, either. When Connor shows interest in him, he can’t believe the sexy cop would look at him twice, let alone make an effort to get to know him. When he does, Josh discovers they have more in common than he’d ever thought possible.

Connor had survived the ordeal that left his best friend and fellow Marine dead, but that survival came at a price. He’s a robot, going through the motions, but barely alive. Until fate intervenes when he meets Josh. The vulnerable man triggers all kinds of protective and dominant urges in Connor, but what would a cute guy like Josh want with an inexperienced, closed-off, bossy steamroller like Connor?

When Connor discovers his past endangers Indy, all hope for a future between him and Josh seems lost. After all, there’s no way Josh will ever choose Connor over Indy’s safety and Noah’s lifelong friendship. When a crisis hits, can Connor prove he’s strong enough to deal with everything that’s thrown his way?

No Limits is a steamy M/M romance that ends with a HFN, but has a continuing storyline as well. It’s the second book in the No Shame Series, and IS NOT A STAND ALONE NOVEL, so make sure to read the first book (No Filter) first. It contains hot sex, a little BDSM kink for beginners, more hot sex, and a beautiful friendship that transcends labels. Also: trigger warning for mentions of sexual abuse and sexual violence, including rape.

My Review: Joshua doesn’t think that he will ever lead a normal life. Between his severe PTSD and the sexual trauma he experienced while in the army, he has constant flashbacks. His best friend/ fuck buddy Noah keeps him grounded. Watching Noah in his newfound relationship with his boyfriend Indy causes Josh to yearn for something more. He is not exactly sure what that is, but he knows he feels attracted to the sexy as sin cop O’ Connor.

Connor is confused at the relationship between Noah and Josh. However, it is Noah who has given him the green light to pursue Josh. Connor is in the closet, but he knows he’s never felt the way he does about Josh. When Josh finds out that Connor is interested he is elated, but definitely shocked that such a dominant macho man could be his. Connor has a few sexual hang-ups about his size that has held him back from being with a guy. Josh is only too happy to show him that there is nothing called ‘too big’. Josh likes a little pain with his pleasure, he thrives on rough sex. He is certainly coming to terms and willing to explore his submissive tendencies with the right person.

Things become explosive when they come together for the first time. Josh feels like he has truly found someone he can belong to. He feels safe in the comfort of Connor’s arms. Connor is still a bit perturbed about the dynamics amongst this trio involving Josh, Noah and Indy. When certain secrets are revealed, he admits to feeling left out and a bit jealous that Josh stands with Noah and Indy. Even though their relationship is new , he wonders if he will ever be a number one priority with Josh. Josh needs both Noah and Connor to learn how to be comfortable around each other, because he can’t live without one man or the other.

Josh schedules a fun filled day of paintball for all of them. Noah and Connor set aside their alpha posturing to work together and it pulls them all a bit closer. Their time together is soon ripped asunder when Noah has to be rushed to the hospital for an infection in his stump. Indy panics and vanishes. He can’t face losing Noah, it is clearly a dick move on his part, but understandable given his past. Josh is devastated, but he tries to keep it together since he has the medical power of attorney over Noah. The doctors decide to operate and cut off more of his stump to save Noah’s life.

Connor knows that he has to step up and take care of his man before Josh loses his mind. He takes Josh home and they delve further into the BDSM lifestyle. Connor gives him a spanking which sends Josh into subspace, one of the best releases he has ever had. They profess their love for each other shortly after. Connor makes the decision to get educated in being the proper Dom to his sub Josh. Josh has made up his mind that he already belongs to Connor and he is only too happy to engage in lessons. It is an exhilarating experience watching these men solidify their D/s relationship and learn their limits.

Indy finally shows up and explains to Noah that he needs to sort things out in his head before he could come back. When Noah is released from the hospital, he is happy to see that the dynamics have changed. He sees Connor taking control and realize that for the first time Josh’s needs are being met. Connor proves his love for Josh by providing a solution for their living situation that will work for all of them. They decide to buy a bigger ranch style home where each couple can have privacy while still maintaining their closeness. Finally , Indy comes back after taking care of some issues that would hurt his little family. I really enjoyed watching these two couples come into their own. The unhealthy sexually codependent relationship between Josh and Noah is broken. Now their respective relationships will have a fair chance of flourishing with some mutual exhibitionism and voyeurism on both couples part. I give this my ratings of 5- bring out the vibrators.

No Filter ( No Shame 1) by Nora Phoenix

Title: No Filter               Word Count: 290 pgs

Genre: Contemporary Gay Romance

Blurb:Indy will do anything to prevent his mobster ex from finding him. Their last encounter left Indy recovering for months in the hospital, and ever since he’s become an expert at hiding in plain sight. Determined to stay under the radar, he takes on a new identity and moves from place to place. His life has no room for friendships, let alone love, so he keeps his heart firmly closed. After all, he has nothing to offer but a damaged body and a broken soul. Plus, he’s so done with men. Until he meets the man who breaks through all his defenses.

Former Army Medic Noah came back damaged from his last tour—in more than one way. Between supporting his best friend-with-benefits Josh who’s struggling with PTSD, dealing with his own issues, and the stress of his job as a physician assistant, rebuilding his life seems impossible. There’s little time for what Noah needs, let alone for what he wants. When he meets Indy, Noah discovers what he wants more than anything: for Indy to stay. But how will a relationship with Indy work when Noah needs Josh as well?

Indy never expected the strong, confident Noah to be as damaged and broken as himself. But what will happen if he starts letting Noah in? Indy knows he should run to protect Noah and Josh. 

Noah needs Indy to stay more than anything. But will what little he has to offer be enough to make Indy trust him and stay? 

No Filter is a steamy M/M romance featuring an open relationship (no cheating!) that ends with a HFN, but with the promise of a HEA. It’s the first book in the No Shame Series, and is not a stand-alone novel. It contains hot sex, a hint of a ménage, lots of talk about hot sex, flashbacks of said hot sex, and…Oh well, you get the idea. Also: trigger warning for mentions of sexual abuse.

My Review: If anyone would have told Indy that being subjected to a convenient store robbery would have been a turning point in his life, he wouldn’t have believed it. This is how he met Josh, the young army veteran who suffers from severe PTSD. Josh has a flashback the moment he saw the robber’s gun. It is Indy’s quick thinking that saves his life. Indy tackles Josh to the ground with his superior jiu jitsu moves to snap him out of his flashback. It sucks for Indy who already has a broken arm in a cast. Indy is trying to breath through the pain and stay in character since he is on the run and pretending to be a southern belle. Not wanting to blow his cover and desperate to get Josh out of his flashback, Indy decides to ground him by kissing him. It finally works and Josh slowly comes out of his spell.

By the time the cops show up, Indy is in severe pain and in need of medical attention. This is where Noah comes in, he is Josh’s best friend who is a former army medic. He works in the ER now and when Josh calls him frantic telling him he needs to protect Indy’s female persona, he steps in to help. Noah doesn’t know what to think when he meets Indy, but there is an instant spark between the two. However, it is clear to see that Indy is very afraid and hiding something. Warning bells go off in Noah’s head when he feels scars on Indy’s body. He also sees signs of trauma in Indy’s reactions to being restrained.

When Noah and Josh offers Indy a place to stay and recover, he takes a leap of faith and puts his trust in these two men. Indy feels an attraction to Noah, something that hasn’t happened in quite some time. When Indy realizes that Josh and Noah shares a bedroom, he feels like a fool for lusting after somebody’s boyfriend. Noah explains that Josh and him have a very complexed relationship that may defy certain norms.

Watching these three men come together was exhilarating, sensual and a little bit confusing at times. It was the pure trust and honesty in their connections that pulls it all together for me. Here we have three broken men trying to piece together their wounded hearts and souls. We have Josh who suffers from PTSD and is very codependent on his best friend Noah. He is openly gay and navigating his sexually submissive side while also working through issues from his past. Then there is Noah who facilitates Josh’s codependency as a way of healing them both. Noah has lost his leg in the war and has some residual feelings of insecurity. He is only recently identifying and accepting himself as a gay man. Indy is the only other man that Noah has been attracted to sexually. Indy is on the run for his life. He feels like he is damaged goods and it is clear that he has suffered severe sexual trauma. Noah and Josh are the first two men he has been attracted to in awhile. It is Noah who makes him want to trust again. He feels unworthy and undeserving to be in a relationship with a strong man like Noah, because of his past. Indy is afraid to become too attached and wants to protect them from the dangers of his past.

The sexual tension in their house is combustible. They all paired up sexually with each other at different times without any resentment or hurt feelings amongst each other. Noah and Josh had sex all the time as a way of finding release and it helped Josh to understand his sexually submissive side. When Noah let Josh top him, it helped him accept himself as a gay man. Josh and Indy getting together was about healing each other from their past sexual trauma. Josh gave back Indy some of the power he lost when he offers to bottom for him. Indy regains a part of himself he thought was lost forever. After their fun filled activity they fall asleep blissfully.

When Noah comes home after a sixteen hour shift in pain from standing all day, he becomes jealous when he sees them cuddled up together. Tempers flare when he believes that Indy has given Josh something that he couldn’t get. Josh sets him straight and diffuses the situation by offering up himself to relieve some of the stress and pain that Noah feels. Noah goes at Josh hard with Indy watching the whole time. When Noah finds release a dam finally breaks and all the pain and sorrow for all he’s lost comes pouring out. 

This is cathartic for all of them. It is Josh’s way of saying goodbye and bringing Indy fully into Noah’s life. Indy makes the decision the next day to tell Noah his sordid past of being sold into sexual slavery by his mom at sixteen. The man she sold him to, Duncan Fitzpatrick belongs to the mob and treated him deplorably. Indy lived in hell for four years. He finally snapped when Duncan passed him off to his sadistic cousin who raped Indy. When he was done Indy stabbed him and waited for him to die before he called the cops , so he could claim self defense. Duncan found Indy and tortured him before he could testify. Indy knows he will always be a hunted man.

Indy finally sees that what he has found in Noah is worth fighting for. He gives himself freely to Noah without fear. He gets a taste of what a loving sexual relationship should be like. Noah is happy that Indy has finally let him in and is allowing him to love him. Josh will always be a part of their lives and they have a different kind of love for him. Noah is willing to protect Indy with all that he is . He will never allow Indy to be hurt again. This is only the beginning, but it is clear to see how deep their love runs for each other. Looking forward to Josh’s story and the continuation of Indy and Noah. I give this my ratings of 4- lose the underwear.

Angels and Demons ( Phoenix Club 9) by C.J. Bishop

Title: Angels and Demons Word Count:137 pgs
Genre: Dark Gay Romance

Blurb:ANGEL, Part 3

Desperate to save Maddy from the growing dangers, Angel must defy Wade’s threats and risk everything to escape with his younger brother.

But when hope betrays him yet again, and Maddy disappears into the night – Angel is left alone to face his abusers and struggle to determine truth from lie.

Warning: This book contains homosexual relations and language not suitable for readers below 17yo.

NOTE: For those coming across the ‘Phoenix Club’ series sporadically, they were written in this order, and if possible, should be read accordingly, due to story lines that run through all the books :


My Review: The never-ending cycle of Angel’s abuse continues. Angel tries to placate Wade and Byrd by taking on more high paying customers. He almost succeeds in hiding some of the money , so that he and his younger brother Maddy can run away. It doesn’t go well for Angel when Wade finds out of his ‘ treachery’. He punishes Angel by letting Byrd have his wicked way with him. Byrd brutalized Angel sexually and threatened to do the same to innocent Maddy the next time.

As much as Angel would like to give up , he knows he can’t let anything happen to his sweet baby brother. Angel continues the farce that is his life and keep on turning tricks in the club. Angel’s boss Max frowns on prostitution in his club. When he hears a rumour that such illicit acts are happening, he is furious and can’t wait to find out who’s the culprit. Max sets Gabe and Cole to keep their eyes and ears out. It doesn’t take long for Gabe to figure out that the pimp is Wade. Gabe tries to seduce him so he can find out who his boy is.

Meanwhile, Dane is drowning his guilt and sorrow in a bottle. Not only is Angel being abused, but his personal life is in the toilet when the truth is revealed about Dane. Angel is devastated that Dane is one of the masked men from his nightmares. The one true hell that started his life on this treacherous slope of abuse and rape. Angel blocks out the feelings he has for Dane as he knows that there can be no future with someone who he believed has hurt him this way. Even though Angel knows that Dane wasn’t a part of the gangbang rape he experienced in the past, he just can’t forgive him. To Angel , Dane is guilty by association and by not helping him when he needed it the most.

Dane has gone MIA and everyone can see Angel is hurting. Angel pushes all his so-called friends away. He knows it will only cause him more pain to get attached. His focus is on getting enough money to run away with Maddy.They are all so shocked when they find out that Angel is the one turning tricks. Gabe and Cole corner Angel in order to help him, but the fear in Angel is so stark that he ran away while he could. He ran straight into the arms of his high paying client who pays him a whopping five grand. Angel sees salvation for him and Maddy finally. He is soon disabused of this notion when Byrd and Wade catches them. Maddy is able to run away , but this time Angel knows he is going to die when Byrd starts raping him.

Everyone is frantic at Angel’s disappearance. Dane has been found finally and he tells his friends the whole sordid mess of his part in Angel’s past. They forgive him when they see that he is just as much a victim as Angel was. Angel is able to get in a phone call to the Phoenix Club before his horror show starts. All his friends can hear Angel being raped. Dane is going crazy , not knowing where to begin looking for Angel. He is devastated hearing Angel’s cries. When Maddy shows up on their doorstep looking for help for his brother, they hope they can make in time.

Dane goes ballistic When He gets to the apartment and not much of Byrd is left when he is done. The horrible men who made Angels’ life hell is put behind bars. Angel needs serious medical attention and is rushed to the hospital. When Angel wakes to find a tear-stained wrecked Dane, his heart aches for all he sees. He forgives Dane wholeheartedly. It’s been a trial for both these men, but they are learning to forgive each other through their love that’s forged in the fires of hell. I give this my ratings of 4 – lose the underwear.

When Angels Cry (Phoenix Club 7) by CJ Bishop

Title: When Angels Cry         Word Count: 131pgs
Genre:Contemporary Gay Romance

Blurb: ANGEL, Part 1

18-year-old Angel’s sudden arrival at the Phoenix throws Dane’s heart into a frenzy.

But after losing out so recently with Caleb, he is in no hurry to feel the heartache again and resists his own rapidly growing feelings for the young man, unaware that what Angel needs most right now is someone he can trust and feel safe with.

Caught up in an abusive situation at home from which there seems no escape, Angel’s prime objective is to protect his little brother from the same hellish existence he himself has been thrust into at the hands of their sick minded stepbrothers.

Warning: This book contains homosexual relations and language not suitable for readers below 17yo.

NOTE: For those coming across the ‘Phoenix Club’ series sporadically, they were written in this order, and if possible, should be read accordingly, due to story lines that run through all the books :


My Review: All Angel has ever known in his life is pain. Him being the new member of the Phoenix Club is a way to lessen some of that pain. Angel lives with his two step brothers, Wade and Axel. Wade is a horrible human being who started exploiting Angel’s innocence from an early age. Wade knows that Angel would do anything to keep his little brother Maddy safe from the harsh realities of their world. He uses that to keep Angel in line. Angel has struck up a deal with his brother that as long as he brings in good money, they will leave Maddy untouched.

Angel tries to sharpen his skills on the dance floor , by getting one of the other dancers help. It is going good with Ricky, but Angel only has eyes for Dane. Dane is one of the sexiest men Angel has ever laid eyes on, but for some reason Dane keeps his distance. Dane is intrigued by Angel’s innocence, but he doesn’t want to fall in the same trap like before. Dane fell a little bit in love with Caleb before and that unrequited love killed him. Angel knows he needs to be focused in order to make enough money to get his brother away from Wade and Axel.

Max and Horatio are still pining over each other, but seeing the turmoil that Max is in, Horatio decides to go away. This kills Max, but this is what he needs to separate himself from the overwhelming feelings. Horatio is half way around the world entertaining another young doppelganger of Max. Even though it is not ideal , he still finds a friend in Seth. Gabe and Cole are still very much in love, but Gabe starts being furtive and taking secret phone calls. Cole has caught on and it makes him very nervous that Gabe is keeping secrets from him.

When Angel is hurt by one of Wade’s friends Byrd, he becomes desperate. He enlists the help of Dane to give him some lessons for sensual dancing. The chemistry between the two is off the charts and soon leads to something more. Angel seduces Dane with his innocence and Dane’s guards around his heart are pushed away. After they fall into a blissful sleep, Angel is caught in the grips of one of his nightmarish memories. Dane sees that loving this boy could be the thing to go break him. He is running scared and pushes Angel away, telling him that their hook up was a one off thing. Angel is heartbroken and leaves in tears, knowing that yet again he was nothing special to another man. To be continued….. I give this my ratings of 4- lose the underwear.